I mean really, just take a look at that first picture. It’s just hanging there, looking all sad and mopey, using that little sack like a pillow. It’s almost like it’s sulking! Well, I’d probably sulk too. All that unsightly stubble feeling like sandpaper, stuck inside an over-sized turtleneck looking all crinkled. It’s just so damn floppy! Now, I love playing with balls, sucking on ’em, fondling ’em, but yours barely even hang. Like they’re trying to crawl back into your body; are they ashamed too? Now let’s take a peek at that second picture. I suppose it’s an improvement, but damn honey, it’s still just laying there. Plump enough, maybe, but no detail at all. No lush veins, no sexy ridges, nothing. What am I supposed to lavish attention on if it’s just got nothing to catch my eye? And the head! All round like a ball stuck on a stick. Honestly, I’m not sure what I’m expected to do with this. This package looks so limp and pale that I’ve just drawn a blank. Maybe check it for a pulse?
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