Taryn’s Cock Review:
Sorry for the delay! I thought I had accidentally been sent a bunch of pictures of half-cooked sausage rolls and had to check and make sure I was actually meant to review your penis. Not that there is much to review lol, it’s so short and stubby! Your foreskin straight up looks like it’s swallowing the rest of your dick. Your balls are almost non-existent (although I’m really kinda glad they’re so small because I honestly don’t think anyone should be subjected to seeing any more of them than is absolutely necessary. No part of the human anatomy should be quite that wrinkly) and the head looks swollen and rough. You might also consider man-scaping (I know, I know how can you manscape when by the look of it you’re really more of a prepubescent boy? But still) because your down there hair situation is looking rough. It was really a bold move on your part to include a ruler measurement, though I am really surprised you found a ruler capable of measuring something so tiny! When you go to jerk off, does your hand just slide right off because there isn’t enough to grab? I also wondered if you were measuring hard or flaccid (I really hope you were measuring soft because 4 inches hard is genuinely laughable for a penis)? I guess if you really want a rating I give it 1 out of 5 because at least you came prepared with the ruler.
taryn
Kensy’s Cock Review:
Hey, baby! So nice of you to submit your cock for review, I was just wondering where the rest of it was? Because surely that can’t be all of it. I noticed you included a ruler pic (super thoughtful, but deeply unimpressive considering just how little there was to measure) and wanted to let you know that most folks measure hard, not… floppy. Hope this helps you next time! I also wanted to ask about the foreskin situation but realized I don’t have a strong enough stomach for the answer. Your dick looks like a shy and sensitive turtle tied up in a sad little skin sack and refusing to emerge.
I had a little think about what I would do if I encountered a dick like yours in real life and honestly drew a blank. Sucking it would be like eating a weirdly fleshy and sort of rubbery tic-tac and I don’t think there’s enough there to make penetration even feasible. What would you even be able to do if I let you put it inside? Wiggle it around and hope I could feel something? Additionally, your balls are super fucking weird. It’s like looking at super red and wrinkly beef jerky or like ground beef. But don’t feel too bad, once you’ve finally hit puberty I bet your cock will grow to normal size! Maybe! Anyway, 1 out of 5 stars because I believe in your ability to grow a normal man sized penis. Eventually.
kensy
Kylie’s Cock Review:
Hey, babe! I opened my email fully prepared to write a glowing review of a nice, manly penis with lots of girth and length. Something that I could think about and use later, if you know what I mean ;). 
Instead I ended up with whatever the hell it is you have going on. I have looked into both eye and brain bleach but apparently those things aren’t available, so I’ll just have to make do with telling you exactly what I think of your “penis”. First off, ew. What in the world is going on with your nutsack? It looks like a wet towel someone wadded up and threw in a corner and forgot about for several months. It’s sort of damp looking and I’m pretty sure if I touched it it would be soggy. Moving on from your balls, your dick itself is disconcerting. I will say that it took a lot of balls (tbh I could have done with rather less of them considering exactly what your balls look like) to include a measurement picture in your photo set. Without it I might have been tempted to think that your micro penis was simply a matter of a weird photo angle or bad lighting. Thanks to the ruler I now know that you really just have an incredibly tiny dick and don’t feel nearly as bad (or as inclined to send along much needed photography advice). What kind of man only has a four inch dick? Is it even four inches or is it closer to three and a half? I hope you were measuring flaccid, and not hard because that’s just sad otherwise. Also, what is it like having a cock that is roughly ninety percent foreskin? It’s like your dick is wearing a shitty turtleneck sweater. Don’t get me wrong, there are some uncircumsized dicks that are scrumptious! Yours is absolutely not one of them. I found myself thinking of a little rodent like a mouse or a vole hiding inside of a tiny hole when I looked at your penis and that is simply not the response that looking at a penis should elicit! I tried really hard to think about what it would be like to fuck you. I put honest thought into what it would be like to take your tiny vole cock into my mouth or to allow you to attempt to fuck me and I couldn’t help but laugh! I’d be able to fit all of you in my mouth like a tiny breath mint or a little breakfast sausage! And even though I’m really pretty tiny and very tight there is no way in hell I’d be able to feel anything if you tried to fuck me. My light flow tampons could fill me better than your shrimp dick. I’m gonna give you a rating of one out of five because it’s about one fifth of the size of what a regular dick is supposed to be. Thanks for trying sweetie!
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