Kylie’s Cock Review:

Because seriously, babe, my Inbox is the ONLY place this tiny pathetic grub of a penis will fit. My inbox might be the only box you get. I mean, I’ve got a pair of tweezers lying around somewhere, but I’m afraid that by the time I found the magnifying glass, this little specimen will have crawled back into your body where it belongs. Is this a new way to see if Spring is coming? Does little Basim poke his head out of his gopher hole to see your wife being rammed by a -real- pole? If he stays out all tiny and cute, does that mean the rest of us women get our own fuck-toy an April shower? Because at least then -someone- would be cumming. Where are those balls! This is what’s meant by ‘grow a pair’, because I can barely see that sad sack trying to hide between that cute little nubby-dick. I mean, sure, maybe I could climb on top and try to use that knob as a clit-tickler, but honestly, I think having my cell phone vibrate in my pocket would get me off quicker. Seriously babe, I hope you’re a super-hero. Because the only explanation for that petite package is an arch-villain with a shrink ray. I’d almost think that sack was nice, if it wasn’t for the way it was trying to hide from the camera. Those balls look like they’re embarrassed to be seen with this baby-dick. And hell, there’s no shaft to speak of. Giving you head would be like sucking on a pacifier, but somehow less satisfying. I hate to imagine how a condom would look on this rinky-dink. Kind of like a little kid pretending to be a ghost, draped in a bed-sheet. I mean really, who could get off to this? I hope your wife finds some good stud-muffins to pound her with a real dick, and seriously, finding bigger cock can be accomplished by stepping out her front door. The first guy she sees would probably put this penis to shame. Next time you’re sitting in the corner watching porn, maybe hire a poor prostitute and let her suck on this cute little nubbie for a while, see if she can’t get at least an inch out of it. I’d suggest giving her a mouth full of cum, but with a spout that tiny, she might only catch a dribble.

kylie

Lucy’s Cock Review:

Oh, Basim… I really hope you go and buy your hooker’s a nice thick dildo so they can be reminded of what it’s like to have her pussy stretched tight. This thing would have trouble stretching a belly-button. I’ve seen hard nipples more impressive than this poor little tinker toy. I mean, in that first picture, the sad little thing looks like it’s trying to retreat back into your body! Is that a penis, or a really shy snail? Now, I love a nice man-scaped gentleman; no hair down there is always a turn-on, but in your case I kind of think it’s a necessity to hide how fucking disgusting this all is. That innocent little penis could become terribly lost in the forest if you actually kept the pubes, after all. I am absolutely certain that little Lincoln Log has been called ‘cute’ before, but I’m wondering.. if I squeeze it, will it squeak? I mean, it’s just so wee and adorable, I could dress it up in doll clothes! This right here is an example of why we should judge people on personality. Those balls look like they’re trying to creep back inside, and if I didn’t know better, I’d kindly assume you just stepped out of frigid water. I love a nice veiny dick, but that shaft is so small it doesn’t seem able to hold more than one vein, and even that looks like it’s trying to stay tiny in effort to make that baby-dick look bigger. The head looks like a marble stuck on top of a little clay snake as an afterthought, and hard as it is to believe, it actually looks a little -smaller- than the shaft. It’s pretty damn incredible, really. Now I do have personal penis preferences, and I like ’em long and thick, able to stretch my tight little pussy, but honestly, most penises are good penises if you know how to use them. So let me help you out with a suggestion: Use your fingers. More dexterity, longer, and two together will be thicker. Hell, maybe one will be. My Ken doll had more to offer!

lucy