Jenny’s Cock Review:
Oh sweetie, if you think you can get anywhere in life with a floppy, bendy dick like that, then think again! That has got to be the weirdest looking dick I have ever seen in my life and I never want to see that pathetic thing you call a dick again! It’s more like an ugly bendy toy sitting between your legs with a huge, ugly, hairy sac of shit behind it. Talk about not wanting a weird dick man….well, yeah, honey, put that thing away! No one wants to see that weird dick, unless it’s to have a great laugh! There is no way in hell I’d go anywhere near that! I mean, how in the world can we even use it when it’s so bendy, dude?! You have way too much bending going on down in those pants! Puuuhleeease! You’ve got to be kidding yourself if you think that stump is attractive! Getting a mouth full of that dick is not my idea of a fun night and that’s all I’d get because it wouldn’t work to even go in and out of my pussy because it’s too floppy! Yuck! A floppy dick is the worst! So annoying and gross! Are you trying to remain celibate the rest of your life? No one wants to deal with that dick flopping all over and trying to get it to go into their pussy with all that bending motion it can do! And don’t get me started on your completely hairy self. Jeez, it’s pretty sad when your hair is almost as long as your actual dick! Didn’t your mom ever teach you about manscaping? That would maybe make your rating slightly higher if you at least had the decency to shave all those pubes! You should lock that dick up in a cage where it belongs and leave it there for the rest of your life! I don’t even know how you have sex with yourself, needless to say, another woman! I mean, how on earth could she even feel that enter her? Oh wait, she couldn’t because it would be flopping and bending all over like a water weenie toy! Perhaps she could offer you her two hands to rub your dick between like a toy since it’s way too bendy to be able to get an actual blow job or hand job. OMG, I can’t even imagine going on a date with you, then taking you home, only to be surprised with having to try to figure out what to do with your dick. I wouldn’t even know what to do with that or how to have sex with that bending piece of shit. What do you want me to do? Take it between my two fingers and bend it back and forth all night? How does that pleasure me at all? Yeah, it doesn’t! I I’d probably get more pleasure out of laughing my ass off when you took your pants off and showed me how it bends all over! Sorry, loser, you get a low rating here!
Lucy’s Cock Review:
Aww, what a cute little bendy dick! Cute, not in a good way! Who wants a cute dick? Not any woman that I know! Cute dicks are for loser boys. Loser boys who will never, ever know how to please a woman because that’s exactly what you are…a boy with a little loser dick! Definitely not a dick worthy of ever seeing the presence of a beautiful woman who wants a real man with a real dick! How could that bendy little peanut ever please a pussy? It can’t even be hard enough to make its way into a pussy! It would be like trying to shove a floppy towel up a pussy. If it could even get up there, could it even work without bending back on itself when she tried to ride you? If you were in front of me, I’d be laughing hysterically at the pathetic little present you have hiding in your pants! I can barely even find it because it’s so weird looking and bent, hidden amongst all that hair and I’m not sure if that’s a dick or a toy to play with! What’s up with that? No one wants a mouth full of hair! You should have the smarts to realize that the “in thing” these days is shaving or at least trimming all that hair to help your dick look at least halfway decent! You’re supposed to have a nice clean ball sack and base of your dick to make your ugly dick look bigger and better…if that’s even possible with that pathetic thing in your pants! Do you know what your dick looks like? One of those stretchy toys kids play with to build shapes….or maybe even a log of playdoh! I don’t know who would even want to put that in their mouth, though! It would be like sucking on a limp, bending hairy hotdog! Gross! I hope that you take my advice and never, ever show your dick to any woman. You’d be better off joining a convent and hiding out as a monk so no woman will ever have to be embarrassed for you when you open your pants to show them the bendy thing that you have buried in there. She’d have to take wrack her brain to try and figure out how to use a bendable dick like that! Then if she did figure something out, how would she have sex with you? There is no way that bendy thing is making a pussy feel good, so I guess you’d have to settle for a suck off with some ball playing, but I doubt I’d want to get my mouth anywhere near those hairy balls! All I can say is you better have some other really good skills if you ever want to please a woman in the way she deserves. With that weird looking, hairy dick, she will be needing a lot more attention than from your ugly dick. Do the world a favor and keep your pants on!
lucy
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